Yashab ישב

why would i give an excuse as to why God's promises don't pertain to me? Romans 8:28 Philippians 1:6 1 Corinthians 10:13 Why would i be like Zechariah and say, " i need more proof that you really are doing a good work in my life. because these are the things that i've done in the past. these are the reasons why that couldn't possibly happen for me." ? Why can't i just be like Mary and humbly accept an unfathomable truth that the Most High, the Creator and Sustainer of my life is completing a good work in me- no matter what i have done or been through. no matter how insignificant i seem to be- He has a blueprint for all of my days. Yes, I am in Brownwood,TX. Nothing is familiar. Nothing is urban. But He has "determined the times set for me and the exact places where I should live." Acts 17:26. I am a daughter and my Abba Father will fulfill His promises. God is doing a good work in me. i have to keep remembering that. i have to realize that just because things are disappearing and i have no idea where else to look, my Saviour who died for me, my Rock, my Salvation, my Hope, my Mighty Warrior who fights my battles, is completing a good work in me. there isn't any temptation that i can't overcome, and EVERYTHING in my life that happens, every class, every grade, every good thing, every laugh, every tear, every horrible frustrating situation, every struggle, every overwhelming day- IS WORKING TOGETHER FOR MY GOOD. there is nothing that i can do to foil His plan. His plan is un-foilable. i can't hit a maximum fall down point and He say, "ok this is ridiculous. you're obviously a lost cause." never. He picks me up and we walk together. I abide in Him. It may be that these past couple of harebrained, scattered, where-am-i days are what i needed to learn the value of organized thought processes and peaceful activity. time management and togetherness. a mental start over. a refocusing. regrouping thoughts. sorting out of feelings. as all of these things keep washing over me- losing my wallet, losing important papers, being overwhelmed by classes, missing home- something different happens than what normally happens when i get too worked up. instead of flipping out and trying to overcompensate for my losses and fall downs, i've been slowing down oddly. almost to the point of shutting down. and thoughts come to my head or are given to me, rather. the first time this happened was when i realized that i had several classes that were going to be real challenges, and not all of my books had come in and i missed home and i felt like i knew less than everyone else. and as i was walking back to my dorm i just heard "abide." over and over again. so i went to the dorm and i looked up the word abide. in hebrew the word is 'yashab'- ישב it means to dwell, to remain, to sit. i realized how much of that i wasn't doing. His peace and love song to me needs to be where I dwell always. where i sit and rest the second statement was "your life is a vapor". that was when i lost my wallet. "your life is a vapor." and i started to slow down. it felt like i was moving in some sort of breathable syrup. and then i just thought to myself. if MY life is a vapor, the blink of an eye, then how significant could the fifty bucks in my wallet honestly be? and today- i have lost an envelope of important papers containing my birth certificate and social security. my room is and has been pristinely clean since i moved in. my backpack has nothing in it. i honestly have no idea how it could have left my room. but through all of the classes that i had today and every time something would threaten my collectivity, it would slow me down even more. i would begin to close out into a peace that i couldn't grasp with words. so that is where i am staying. i am abiding in His word. I am sitting at His feet, remaining in Him. because only my High Priest can bring peace where there is no peace and make a way where there is no way.