On the Good Foot

my best friend is flying back home today. her visit was a blessing and i love to love her. we went hiking twice- once to a gorgeous water body called Mitchell Lake. We waded in the FREEZING water and enjoyed the extended view from our daring mid-lake position. the second day was with a whole gang of crazy awesome people and we hiked Devil's Head. Awesome.

i've applied to 7 positions at different Whole Foods close by and emailed SEVERAL people about child care positions. prayer in the employment area would be so sweet.

i'm about to start work on the list of cards to be made for my snail mail project, which i have officially named Snailtrail. so, if you're on the list, get excited because one's coming your way! and if you're not, get on the list! just send me your address at earthtex@gmail.com and you'll recieve handmade cards from me!

Colorado is gorgeous and full of potential. I continue to lean on and listen to Him. Thank you for your prayers, thoughts, and encouragement!

update from me. proposition for you.

Pages have been flipping so fast lately. It’s difficult to keep everyone updated when I’m already pouring so much of my energy into reading and deciphering my own pages as the fly.

Howard Payne was a chapter where I discovered the importance of letting the beauty of simplicity cover my head, my heart, and my agenda. I moved to Mesquite and learned the realm of film photography and how precious and imperative time living alone can be.

This summer was quite the chapter. Action packed and full of life. Edifying fellowship became a staple. I embraced my shining identity. I walked away from things. I walked into things.

In three days, I am moving to Colorado. I won’t be attending school this year, but seeking out a ministry that I can work with.

I'll be living with beautiful family who encourages me and lifts me up. Who is interested in my well being and reaches out with love.

I don't have extensive, detailed plans or a specific itinerary. But i do know that i am called there and I have chosen to be obedient and go where i have been called. I don't have any idea how long God will have me stay but my intention is to keep everyone up to date from here on out.

I pray that my move will prove to fulfill God's purposes for my life and that my journey and following adventure will be a constant glorification of the God who paid for me to make these decisions.

I cannot begin to piece together words that would illustrate how deeply my friendships and relationships have blessed me and taught me. I was given the privilege to be surrounded by so many kind hearts and creative imaginations. Life this far has been quite the kaleidoscope of dreams and hearts, and I am truly grateful for every interaction i have had.

I plan to begin a postal project, so if you would like to receive hand-made cards and letters from me, no matter WHO you are, i would love to keep up with you! PLEASE DO THIS: email me at earthtex@gmail.com and send me your name and your mailing address and you will begin receiving awesome artsy treasures in the mail from me!

Thank you thank you thank you, everyone, for your love influence in my life. Let's keep up!

texanna.

return.

new year.

new home.

new school.

new major.

new vision.

new hope.

I apologize to anyone that reads this blog for my very spotty and inconsistent posts. There is a heightened sense of perfectionism and awareness of scrutiny that comes with maintaining a blog meant for the public to read. I always feel as if i have to have it all together and make it sound good. When in reality, my life isn't all together and sometimes looks and sounds quite ugly. So why should i try to make what i write look like what my life isn't? I suppose that if i don't have the time to go over my writing and make sure that it doesn't offend anyone of the grammatically perfect persuasion, then i should post whatever it is that i have, run-on sentences and all- because it is my life's reality at that moment, and my personal authenticity for all to see.

I have changed my major from vocal performance to environmental sustainability. I have left Howard Payne University. I have moved to Mesquite for the rest of the year. I am looking for a new college that offers my new major. I need a job. I am taking photography and algebra this semester at the local community college. I am hoping to better understand my minolta and to open the box of beautiful possibilities that is my 1984 Canon. I am hoping that i learn a lot this semester. Not only academically, but also spiritually- within myself. Learning myself. Learning the next step God wants me to take. I want to learn to look my imperfections in the face instead of attempt to bury them under layers of avoidance and layers of ignorance. I want to grow. I want to travel.

Right now, i am in dallas at Crooked Tree, looking over the list of places i am about to hit up for a job. I need one. bad. I have faith that God will provide for me. but quite honestly, it is not a calm faith. I need a calm faith. one that has confidence that my Sustainer is in perfect, flawless control of my life and He has my steps laid out for me to take. He just hasn't revealed the job step to me yet. I will continue in my diligence and have faith that my Father will honor and reward that.

I feel as though my life is constantly visited by change. I love that. But i need to learn to work with it as well.

transformation

Very quick thought:

my life, like anyone's, is perpetually in the midst of transformation. Christianity and being a follower of Jesus' heart is to be always striving toward becoming more like Him- and since we are not and never will be perfect beings on this earth, one who seeks the will of God in her life will constantly be learning, tripping, remembering, striving, loving, changing, transforming.

what i have found to be overwhelmingly true at Howard Payne so far is the stunning magnitude of my spiritual growth that is, as of right now, outshining any light that my higher education could aspire to shed.

Moving to Brownwood, I came with this preconceived notion that a tiny podunk town automatically meant that there would be no outlet for passionate, abandoning-all-else, praising, thankful, moving, swirling, loving, wealth-sharing, burden carrying, crying, laughing worship or a church that genuinely functioned like the church in Acts-never forgetting that their possessions mean nothing, always remembering that we are the bride of Christ and are responsible for doing life with each other, enhancing each other's lives with fellowship. But it was wrong to think that and I am happy that I was wrong.

I am involved in a lifegroup on wednesdays that meets in a young couple's house. They make spaghetti for all of the college kids(which we affectionately call "Wen-sghetti") and we DO LIFE and POUR INTO EACH OTHER and HOLD NOTHING BACK and LET OUT HONESTY. We are reading A Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster and it is changing every aspect of my life by shedding light and giving breath to things that I regarded as dark and lifeless, stagnant and not worth my time, antiquated and irrelevant. I have never been more aware of things I have neglected and have since realized that because I have neglected to do those things that we, as Christians, are called and commanded to do- I have been dwelling in the dark kingdom by being closed off to so much LIGHT that pierces through uncertainty, fear, hopelessness, loneliness, pridefulness, loud noisiness of the soul, clutter of the mind, and all around fuzziness that I have and still do experienced many a time in my life.

blessings are falling on my head, slowly running like oil- anointing my life with the peace Jesus gives to me as I learn and listen.

a light on fellowship. one i didn't notice before.

there is a church in the community that only meets on Sunday nights. It's called Nexus Community Church and it's purpose is to provide an opportunity to praise, dig into the word, and have fellowship with one another for those who are not comfortable being in a traditional church service. It isn't that i'm uncomfortable in a traditional service, but i don't think that God called His bride to wear starched dresses and panty hose, sit up straight, and sing strictly out of the hymnal either. The Baptist Student Ministry director's husband is the pastor there so i went to visit last night. I walked in and immediately realized the diversity of the congregation. There were quite a few college students and even several professors but the majority of the group were poverty stricken people. People that i have seen walking on the street or sitting on the porches of government housing.

and it was like my insides finally decided to acknowledge something that i should have known a long time ago, and that is that fellowship is not meant for just me. or just you. or just anyone. its a GIVE and take. doing life with the people in your congregation is not just about getting fed, getting loved on, getting heard, laughing at jokes and feeling the burdens crumble. it IS that- but its also providing that for someone else. being the one that feeds, that loves, that LISTENS, that tells the joke and offers the shoulder or even the arms for someone to collapse into with grief or exhaustion, with an overload of fear or uncertainty. fellowship is both ways.

i can't roam around town saying to myself, "now who is most likely to encourage ME and get ME through the tough times?" i need to be seeking out a place to serve, to find a group of hurting people where the ministry is spread thin and apply myself. i want to be the one that the teenage mother calls when she needs a ride. or the one that the jr. high girls from the government housing love to laugh with. i want to give. i am constantly in prayer that God would plant a servant's heart in me. one that isn't the least bit shaken by an intensely lost life or a completely broken heart hesitant to trust, to confide.

some hours of my day i can feel myself retracting from the lack of stimulus in the town. no coffee shops or vegan restaurants. no lounging areas on campus. i'm definitely experiencing small town shock. but i think i am realizing that throwing myself into fellowship(the GIVE and the receive), digging into the word with a small group, and sacrificing my time and efforts for the less fortunate(the majority of the population in Brownwood) is what is going to be me ultimate reward and solace.

i want to get used to working hard for the kingdom and tasting the burdens of others.

i want to learn to love unconditionally- with eyes untainted by imperfect human judgement.

i want to continue to grow into the shoes of the watchmen of compassion that God has for me. i want to experience pure and true selflessness. i want to be a delightful daughter. a prayer warrior and a tiny child that knows nothing but to give over control.

my existence right now is shining. i have found nourishing fellowship. a group of people who love to serve and love to read the Word for absolute, unbending truth- not for "interpretation". my campus is green and leafy. small and personal. my room is comfortable and secluded.

i have no reason to worry about petty things in my life the nag and nag. i will not let the enemy pick and pick at my focus until my eyes come unglued from my Creator and my Scheduler. the One who holds my plans and speaks peace over them. i need to uncurl my fists and hand him my planner, yield control.

i get so caught up in my sticky notes packed with errands and tasks and things that i need to pay for. the hilarious thing is that i have peace. it came with my eternity package. i just have this tendency to believe that everything to be done has to be done on my watch, by my strength. and then i lose sight and feeling of the peace because i'm so focused on obtaining it on my own.

Jesus is first. He created me for HIMSELF(Colossians 1:16) and He wants me to succeed in HIM.- not try and try and try to succeed on my own. because ultimate success won't happen by worldly means. i was never meant to live outside of His strength. so when i try- why is it always surprising that no good comes of it?

it will be a conscious effort this week to surrender. i need to work on embracing my weakness.

purely calming weather this week. chilly, rainy, dark. i love it.

involved!

back to school after the Labor Day weekend and what a lovely weekend it was- complete with discovering that i'm anemic and leaving my piano book at the house(which is being shipped to me as we speak). So considering my new situation, i am now taking three different herbal vitamins daily(that make me incredibly nauseous) and comprising a list of foods that i'm to give to the cafeteria for them to have ready for me. that's definitely something i'm pray-living through. just asking to be given a supernatural ability to make it through the day- nauseous, exhausted, bruised and all.

i am faring pretty well in all of my classes right now except music theory. it's so difficult to me. it's like trying to become fluent in a foreign language and then learn to..i don't know..rap in the same day or something. it's rough.

a blessing has come through BSM drama. i have no experience. i have no passion for drama. but i went to the opening meeting and i met a great group. i'm pretty stoked about being a part of it this year. this year has no limitations for me, which is why i'm trying things i've never thought about before. like drama, and pottery! there is a ministry called Empty Bowls that the BSM art ministry(which i'm also involved in) is putting on and we make 500 ceramic bowls and then serve soup to people in the bowls. they pay a donation to the charity and keep the bowl. so i'm going to get to try my hand at throwing pottery. riveting. i think this semester will be a chance for me to use a blessing to be a blessing.